This site is intended for the use of the individuals who visit this site and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.

If you are not the intended audience, any dissemination, distribution or linking of this site is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word 'absquatulation' has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this site and it's contents, although the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore the alerts and pop-ups that may arise. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets

If you have browsed to this site in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.